Kids today are in a devastating emotional state! Most come to school emotionally unavailable for learning. There are many factors in our modern lifestyle that contribute to this.”
In her practice, my friend Victoria Prooday, OT is seeing something so widespread and alarming that I asked if I could share her thoughts. Due to the overwhelming interest and conversation on this topic, I am re-sharing her post.
I encourage every parent who cares about the future of his/her children to read it. I know that many would choose not to hear what she says in the article, but your children need you to hear this message.
I am an occupational therapist with years of experience working with children, parents, and teachers. I completely agree with this teacher’s message that our children are getting worse and worse in many aspects.
I hear the same consistent message from every teacher I meet. Clearly, throughout my time as an Occupational Therapist, I have seen and continue to see a decline in children’s social, emotional, and academic functioning, as well as a sharp increase in learning disabilities and other diagnoses.
As we know, the brain is malleable. Through the environment, we can make the brain “stronger” or make it “weaker”. I truly believe that, despite all our greatest intentions, we, unfortunately, remold our children’s brains in the wrong direction.
Here is why:
1. KIDS GET EVERYTHING THEY WANT WHEN THEY WANT IT
“I am Hungry!!” “In a sec I will stop at the drive-thru” “I am Thirsty!” “Here is a vending machine.” “I am bored!” “Use my phone!” The ability to delay gratification is one of the key factors for future success. We have the best intentions — to make our child happy — but unfortunately, we make them happy at the moment but miserable in the long term. To be able to delay gratification means to be able to function under stress. Our children are gradually becoming less equipped to deal with even minor stressors, which eventually become huge obstacles to their success in life.
The inability to delay gratification is often seen in classrooms, malls, restaurants, and toy stores the moment the child hears “No” because parents have taught their child’s brain to get what it wants right away.
2. LIMITED SOCIAL INTERACTION
We are all busy, so we give our children digital gadgets and make them “busy” too. Kids used to play outside, where, in unstructured natural environments, they learned and practiced their social skills. Unfortunately, technology replaced the outdoor time. Also, technology made the parents less available to socially interact with their child. Obviously, our kids fall behind… the babysitting gadget is not equipped to help kids develop social skills. Most successful people have great social skills. This is the priority!
The brain is just like a muscle that is trainable and re-trainable. If you want your child to be able to bike, you teach him biking skills. If you want your child to be able to wait, you need to teach that child patience. If you want your child to be able to socialize, you need to teach him social skills. The same applies to all the other skills. There is no difference!
3. ENDLESS FUN
We have created an artificial fun world for our children. There are no dull moments. The moment it becomes quiet, we run to entertain them again, because otherwise, we feel that we are not doing our parenting duty. We live in two separate worlds. They have their “fun“ world, and we have our “work” world. Why aren’t children helping us in the kitchen or with laundry? Why don’t they tidy up their toys? This is basic monotonous work that trains the brain to be workable and function under “boredom,” which is the same “muscle” that is required to be eventually teachable at school. When they come to school and it is time for handwriting their answer is “I can’t. It is too hard. Too boring.” Why? Because the workable “muscle” is not getting trained through endless fun. It gets trained through work.
Using technology as a “Free babysitting service” is, in fact, not free at all. The payment is waiting for you just around the corner. We pay with our kids’ nervous systems, with their attention, and with their ability for delayed gratification. Compared to virtual reality, everyday life is boring. When kids come to the classroom, they are exposed to human voices and adequate visual stimulation as opposed to being bombarded with the graphic explosions and special effects that they are used to seeing on the screens. After hours of virtual reality, processing information in a classroom becomes increasingly challenging for our kids because their brains are getting used to the high levels of stimulation that video games provide. The inability to process lower levels of stimulation leaves kids vulnerable to academic challenges. Technology also disconnects us emotionally from our children and our families. Parental emotional availability is the main nutrient for a child’s brain. Unfortunately, we are gradually depriving our children of that nutrient.
5. KIDS RULE THE WORLD
“My son doesn’t like vegetables.” “She doesn’t like going to bed early.” “He doesn’t like to eat breakfast.” “She doesn’t like toys, but she is very good at her iPad” “He doesn’t want to get dressed on his own.” “She is too lazy to eat on her own.” This is what I hear from parents all the time. Since when do children dictate to us how to parent them? If we leave it all up to them, all they are going to do is eat macaroni and cheese and bagels with cream cheese, watch TV, play on their tablets, and never go to bed.
What good are we doing them by giving them what they WANT when we know that it is not GOOD for them? Without proper nutrition and a good night’s sleep, our kids come to school irritable, anxious, and inattentive. In addition, we send them the wrong message. They learn they can do what they want and not do what they don’t want.
The concept of “need to do” is absent. Unfortunately, in order to achieve our goals in our lives, we have to do what’s necessary, which may not always be what we want to do. For example, if a child wants to be an A student, he needs to study hard. If he wants to be a successful soccer player, he needs to practice every day. Our children know very well what they want, but have a very hard time doing what is necessary to achieve that goal. This results in unattainable goals and leaves the kids disappointed.
TRAIN THEIR BRAIN
You can make a difference in your child’s life by training your child’s brain so that your child will successfully function on social, emotional, and academic levels. Here is how:
1. Don’t be afraid to set the limits. Kids need limits to grow happy and healthy!!
Make a schedule for meal times, sleep times, technology time
Think of what is GOOD for them- not what they WANT/DON’T WANT. They are going to thank you for that later on in life. Parenting is a hard job. You need to be creative to make them do what is good for them because, most of the time, that is the exact opposite of what they want.
Kids need breakfast and nutritious food. They need to spend time outdoors and go to bed at a consistent time in order to come to school available for learning the next day!
Convert things that they don’t like doing/trying into fun, emotionally stimulating games
2. LIMIT TECHNOLOGY, AND RE-CONNECT WITH YOUR KIDS EMOTIONALLY
Surprise them with flowers, share a smile, tickle them, put a love note in their backpack or under their pillow, surprise them by taking them out for lunch on a school day, dance together, crawl together, have pillow fights😊
Have family dinners, board game nights (see the list of my favorite board games), go biking, go to outdoor walks with a flashlight in the evening.
3. TRAIN DELAYED GRATIFICATION
Make them wait!!! It is ok to have “I am bored“ time – this is the first step to creativity
Gradually increase the waiting time between “I want” and “I get”
Avoid technology use in cars and restaurants, and instead, teach them waiting while talking and playing games
Limit constant snacking
4. TEACH YOUR CHILD TO DO MONOTONOUS WORK FROM EARLY YEARS AS IT IS THE FOUNDATION FOR FUTURE “WORKABILITY”
Folding laundry, tidying up toys, hanging clothes, unpacking groceries, setting the table, making lunch, unpacking their lunch box, making their bed
Be creative. Initially make it stimulating and fun so that their brain associates it with something positive.
5. TEACH SOCIAL SKILLS
Teach them turn-taking, sharing, losing/winning, compromising, complimenting others, using “please and thank you”
From my experience as an occupational therapist, the kids change the moment parents change their perspective on parenting. Help your kids succeed in life by training and strengthening their brain sooner rather than later!
This helpful article curated from the web.
7 ways to make your mother feel awesome this Mother’s Day
Saturday, 11 May 2019: Mother’s Day is around the corner and its time thanks her, celebrate with her, make her feel extremely lovable and honor her. Because the bond mother and child shares are very precious and never-ending. All through the years, she gives selflessly so that we may prosper and grow.
A mother’s love is everlasting and unconditional. Mom’s are a blessing! And Now the day has come to make your maa feel special. You can pamper her with some special gifts and make her feel more loved by putting in some extra effort.
To help you with it, here are some ideas:
Handwritten notes/ poems
Write a handwritten note four your mom, anything that comes from the heart is just a beautiful. This should be heartfelt display of gesture and appreciation. Describe her the reason why you feel she is special. Also tell her how much she means to you in your and life and appreciate the efforts that she has made for the family.
Everyone loves appreciation so she is. Mommy’s never gonna ask you to brag, but she loves to hear you talking nicely about her. Give your mom credit for the person you have become today. Respect her among her friends and peers with your kind words of praise.
Mumma’s done so many things for you that even you don’t know. Every single thing she has sacrificed on your behalf deserves your respect. She has earned it! Treat her with the utmost dignity and honor.
Surely every mom loves shopping because that the one thing my mothers loves to do. Handbags, jewelry, shoes, makeup, or what not. Shop your heart out this Mothers’ Day! With so many stores offering discounts on this day, we are sure she will not hold herself back and come bag with many shopping bags.
If you are not able to accompany her to shopping, give a gift card to her so that’s he can shop as per her liking and doesn’t have to swipe the credit card.
This gift will surely make your mommy happy and glad. Give her a day off ask her not to do any household things and instead book a professional service. Then make her sit in the sofa, give her the TV remote and ask her just to relax. Nothing could be more enjoyable to her than this.
Spend some quality time with her
Spend some quality time with your maa on this mother’s day. Take a break from your daily routine and spend the whole day with her. You may also prepare her favorite dish and give her a surprise. She will always remember these little things you do for her forever.
Your mother, in the midst of all the running, doesn’t realize how tired she gets each day.
Make her feel good both inside and out. Spa treatments such as manicures, pedicures, massages, or salon days are likely to bring a smile to your mom’s face.
Hope your mother loves this gesture!!!
Wishing all the mom’s a very Happy Mother’s Day. We love You & We Care for You!!!
5 Relationship lessons I learned from my parents
“No matter how far we come, our parents are always in us.” ― Brad Meltzer
My parents have been great parents to me. They have worked hard and taught me so many things as I grew up. They provide a stable foundation for my life and future. Sometimes I totally ignored, there are a packs of love and relationship lessons but today I highly appreciated them.
Over the years, listening to mom dad stories became relatable, as I start indulging into the confusing yet awesome world of dating.
At last, there’s love story led me to a deep understanding of my own relationships, ideals and expectations.
Twenty-Five years since winking at each other my parents still act like high school love birds. They talk for hours on end, go on movie dates, laugh together.
Here now I’m going to share Maa and Papa’s blueprint for romance with you :
- Be a good friend to find a good friend. If you can look at your love as a friend, then you have much better chances of sticking it out long-term. And my parents modeled what it means to be a good friend to others.
- little things that make all the difference: It always motivating to have a supportive partner, isn’t it? The little thing which they do for each other makes the things different. Since from my childhood, I’ve seen mom and dad doing the same.
- True love exist. When our parents have been together since they were 16 and are still happy nearly 40 years later, it makes you realize that love exist.
- Care about the right things.Relationships not about 50-50 things, my parents have taught me that it should be 100-100 participation So care about the things which build each other.
- Have a life of your own.Its true to share interest with your partner or so. But you also have to insure that you have a life your too.There is no need to control your happiness and are more content. Being happy in your own builds confidence and an energy that makes you more attractive to people.
Keeping your Kids Safe Online
Internet is filled with enough content and of such varied genre that it could be horror for adults and an amusement park for children. The content on the web ranges from inappropriate or adult content to unkind and simply rude comments to dangerous predators. You might want to look out for the last one.
Even after all these disadvantages is also provides opportunities to socialize with others and to learn or create. From now on trying to keep your children off of the internet would be futile. It would be like keeping them away from food or electricity. They’re bound to get online with or without your consent. Your job here in this case is to help them in taking good decisions when they are on the web.
There do exist some parent-friendly routers that you can buy, and software that you might want to use, to limit the access of your children to the internet and keep an eye on them. But even if we ignore the fact that this idea is not completely efficient, you need to create a mental framework that can keep your children safe online.
You might want to put more thought into this because there are no concrete rules governing children and the internet because of the fact that no two children are exactly alike. This exercise is just like keeping children safe after their homecoming. Some children might only need a curfew of some sorts, others a heavy grounding. Children in different age groups require different amounts of oversight and rules. Even within a specific age group, different children can have different inclinations and interests, and with them comes the problem of different needs.
Some legal guidelines do exist. The Children’s Online Privacy Protection Rule was established in 1998, it creates various safeguards like keeping children under the age of 13 off of social media. Facebook has very recently attempted to outsmart the law with a version of its Messenger aimed at children of 6 years of age and above.
Problem is, even after such laws have been in force, millions of children under 13 years of age have found their way onto Facebook over the years, with or without parental consent. You need to buckle up and don’t give your consent as a parent. The rules are there for a reason.
The more you feed the sense of responsibility and rules to your children the dividends you will receive over the years will be larger. As the children grow they will find ways around any parental controls that are put over them. Your goal is to make sure that there is no need at all for such restrictions.
When and if you give your kid a smartphone, it is your responsibility to help them through the process of setup. You need to make sure that they know exactly how to create a strong password, and you need to establish strict ground rules over which kind of applications can the kid download.
You need to make sure that you are a good example to them. It is no good if they complain that you don’t spend enough time with them due to always being hooked on that smartphone or tablet of yours. Critically examine your own digital habits. This goes for not only the amount of time you spend on your devices but also for how you maintain them. If you keep up with standard security practices, like keeping strong passwords and updating your software, it would be beneficial for the whole family in the end.
You need do make rules about device usage for the whole family. Help your kids when they run into trouble, this way they can go on to help their friends by themselves.
It’s pretty easy for parents to track every text message and know every single app that their kids use, but that’s not the best solution. If they are surfing over non dangerous areas, keeping their grades up and have a good social circle you don’t need to meddle in their online habits at all. The key here is to communicate.
This way, if and when they do run into a trouble online, may it be harassment or some disturbing content, you’ll be the person the children would come to for help. This is way better than them looking for a solution on the internet.
The Art of Parenting
Recently, I attended a seminar wherein, a question came up. A fellow asked, “Who can be the best role model of a child?” The organizers were pretty amazed and therefore, they turned towards the audience for the answer.
When everyone was expressing their views, there came up an amazing answer by a senior psychologist sitting amongst us. According to him, the parents could be the real role models only and only if they share such a bond with their child that their child shares each and everything with them.
Almost everyone agreed with this viewpoint.
Well! Herein, I wish to discuss about the art of parenting. No doubts, parents are the teachers of a child as they help the child to develop the values essential for life. Parents are the only ones who help their children survive in the world by providing moral values, physical and emotional support, good education, good health, monetary benefits and other necessities as well as luxuries. All these acts are a symbol of affection and hence, parents are selfless. However, when the children come across their teenage, it is very unfortunate to note that children tend to avoid their parents as the youngsters believe that their parents are after their lives spying upon them. As a result, the teenagers lose their confidence and can be driven towards drugs and other hazardous situations.
I am aware that parents are not after the lives of their children and they can never think wrong about them. However, scientifically adolescence is an age wherein lot many hormonal changes occur and as a result, it is even difficult for human body to maintain a balance.
Therefore, I herein, wish to share some parenting tips which would help the parents to develop such a bond with their children that children can share each and everything with them:-
- Firstly, the parents should try abridging the so-called generation gap. The generation gap is not so evident because even the parents have gone through the same phase and their kids will also face the phase of adults in the coming years. This can be done by talking to the kids and discussing various aspects of life. The different phases of life should be discussed with the kids and kids should be counseled about the pros and cons of their activities in a constructive way. For instance, when the child demands the cellphone and parents are willing to give their kid one, the parents must tell about the use, misuse and abuse of the same but not in a preaching style rather as a interactive session in the convenient leisure time.
- Since, the very beginning the parents should give their quality-time to their kids. Efforts could be made by asking about their day at school, their bonding with friends, and so on. Apart from his, parents can lay with their kids and spend the leisure time together. This not only builds up the bond between a parent and kid but also helps to enhance understand the behavior of their child. Thus, the change of the behavior can easily be noted. For instance, the children are driven towards the dangerous Blue Whale Challenge these days which is marked with a strange behavior accompanied by solitude and depression.
- Lastly, the parents should aim at developing moral values in their child so that their kid could differentiate between good and bad. Apart from this, instead of constantly punishing or demoralizing their kid in order to make him/her perform up to relevant standards, the parents should try to find out the innate talent of their child and help the kid to develop the same. In the case, the child is on the wrong path, initially the parents should try explaining the kid his/her mistake and counsel about the disadvantages and consequences of their activity. However, in the case, things do not get sorted; the parents should arrive upon the decision of stern treatment at the end. However, in most of the cases, kids tend to understand their parents’ views in the case; the views are explained in a calmed situation.
I feel it is very difficult to tackle the teenagers because of their developing mindset and their hormonal changes due to which they tend to believe that they are correct at all times however, a calm attitude from the side of adults would help them overcome the most difficult phase of their lives. Yes, adolescence is the most difficult phase of life because the children are prone to different kinds of challenges of life which can either make or mar their future.
To read other such kind of articles, stay tuned.
THINGS ONLY A SINGLE CHILD WOULD UNDERSTAND
WE ARE ALWAYS PAMPERED BY OUR PARENTS
No matter what this is the best thing a single child can experience! We are always the favourite of our parents and are always treated like a small kid! The love and care is not to go anywhere because it is all our’s.
WE DON’T LIKE SHARING THINGS
Sharing word is not in our dictionary because “KABHI ZARURAT NAHI PADI CHEEZE SHARE KARNE KI” and if anyone dares to touch anything “he is dead”. Singles be like “PRAAN JAE PAR CHEEZE NA JAE”
WE ENJOY BEST OF OUTING WITH OUR PARENTS
One of the best things of being a single child is we have had enjoyed best of outing with our parents and their attention is towards us. And moreover we can take advantage to fulfil our choices and desires.
SHARING BEDROOM? NAH NOT IN OUR DICTIONARY
We don’t have silly fights over sharing a bed because we are the king of our room! We can sleep the way we want, sit in our own way and can enjoy the madness alone in our bedroom.
BUT SOMEHOW WE WISH TO HAVE OUR OWN BROTHER/SISTER
No matter how much we enjoy our independence, but having an elder sibling is always a wish. With whom we can share all our things and can feel free to talk.
THERE IS NO ONE TO COVER OUR FLAWS
“AGAR GALTI SE KAAM KI JAGA KAAND KARDIA TO KOI NAHI BACHAEGA” no one is there to save us from the scolding of our parents, like other children and this is the thing which irritates us the most, because there is no one to put the blame on and escape from the situation.
BUT YOU ARE AND YOU WILL BE THE FAVOURITE OF EVERYONE
As long as you grow up you realise you are kind of lucky to be a single child, no one can ever teach you to change the way you are. You are the favourite of your family and you will always be. “KYUNKI PAMPERING KI AADAT TO HUME BACHPAN SE HI HAI”
These are the few things every single child can relate to. there is always fun these things and sometimes it is boring too. But But But being a single child rocks!
Fitness and Kids
Sometime ago, almost everything the kids did was physical. They walked a lot, they had no video games, didn’t have cell phones either, they lifted heavy things and played those kinds of sports that demanded some form of physical fitness. Kids nowadays just don’t get a chance to move around freely.
Even with all the playing and physical games we did as kids, not all of us ended up with great health. Almost all of us have fallen prey to diseases in the last few years. The disease could be heart disease, high blood pressure, high blood sugar, obesity, or physical fatigue which. We have brought such diseases on ourselves. We certainly don’t want our kids to end up like us. If we want them to grow up fit and healthy we would need to make health, fitness and exercise a part of their lives. Children nowadays need to learn moving as frequently as possible and eating sensibly, because these are the necessary requirements for a healthy life which we wish for them.
A lot of kids play some kind of sport or the other and that’s great. But that’s certainly not enough. The type and nature of sport might make him healthy in a certain way, but full fitness is a basic necessity. Strength, speed, endurance and mobility are all crucial for one function of the body or the other. These are the foundations of movement and all have to be developed in order to lead a happy and healthy life.
They must know how to be healthy and fit because that will have a major impact on the quality of their life. We must encourage our kids to do more physical movement and improving their diet right now, so that they are equipped to grow into active and physically healthy adults.
Physical activity is the only solution to the problem. It doesn’t matter what sports they choose, they must be fit enough to play. Kids do need to move more, and if it doesn’t happen naturally, we would have to put our efforts to enable that.
Never say these five things to your child
I know that parenting is not an easy task and it becomes very important that how you talk to your children and you should also be fully aware of the facts and knowledge which they are learning while growing. So it is our job to build their personality which will be beneficial for their whole life.
Sometimes we say those things which we do not really mean so we should always make sure that nothing wrong is said in front of them because they remember everything in a long run and few things which impact their innocent minds will stay with them for whole life.
Never say you are bad boy or girl
Never show any negative thoughts in front of them as we do not know that how they feel about it and it may kill their self- esteem. Kids are innocent and they do not know how to differentiate between good and bad and if we say that they are bad they may not say anything but deeply feel about it. Try to tell them that they are good and make them happy by nurturing them with positive thoughts.
If possible try to explain them which actions are considered bad or good instead of telling them that they are bad. Always teach them what is good or what is bad and make them have positive in life to build great personality.
Do not say No straightly
When you straightly say No it is too harsh for them as there are chances that they will not understand for the first time instead tell them why it is not right and build confidence in them so that they can have faith in parents. Do not ever shout on them and always try to talk softly like if you do not want to them to play inside the house never directly say no to them instead tell them to play with his or her friends outside of house in park because if you will keep saying No to them it will be negative.
Please do not tell them not to talk to you
Do not create communication gap between you and your kid because in future he or she will refrain to share thoughts with you always have time to listen to them and never tell them not to talk to you. Always try to convince them with your words and explain them to what they are supposed to do and why it is important.
Do not compare them with other kids
Always remember that you never ask them to be like other kids especially like their sister or brother because it might make them jealous and they also might feel neglected or left out.
Do not ask them to leave you alone
Just remember that you mean a lot to your kids and maybe even everything and there are situations when you want to be alone and ask them to leave you alone but this will hurt them and he or she might become anxious from this behavior of yours instead talk to them and teach patience.
Spanking can lead to personality distortion in kids
When we were children we may have experienced swanking and spanking and sometimes we also do this to our children. But now we have to think about the effects of spanking and its influence on our kids.
A new research was done which reveals that occasional smacking of kids has much bigger effect on their mental well- being and also has an impact on their personalities into adulthood than originally thought.
This study was done by the experts of the University of Texas and the University of Michigan which recently published its results in the journal of Family Psychology detailing the analysis of 50 years of research which involved 160,000 children. The consequences of spanking and it affected children to adulthood.
Shockingly spanking induces anti-social behavior in kids when they grow, in some cases mental health issues also occur with aggression. In some children cognitive difficulties were also found and which is a major cause of concern. So, spanking and smacking is equal to punishment which can distort the natural personality of the kid.
An associate Professor at the University of Texas in Austin, Elizabeth Gershoff said “Our analysis focuses on what most Americans would recognize as spanking and not on potentially abusive behaviors. We found that spanking was associated with unintended detrimental outcomes and was not associated with more immediate or long-term compliance, which are parents’ intended outcomes when they discipline their children.”
Is it right to compare spanking and physical abuse?
Yes because when the child grows to adulthood we may do not know but he or she develops aggression which is not right and must be avoided. Not just this the chances of spanking own kids are also extremely high showing how the cycle of actions experienced at a young age are carried on to the next generation.
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